October CSW O’Mara Message of the Month (2)

Influence

A huge part of any leader’s journey is their ability to influence others elegantly.  Each and every day we influence bosses, peers, associates, vendors, customers, other leaders, our kids…. Even ourselves!  According to noted Harvard professor John Kotter, Influence is what leadership is all about  - to influence, inspire, motivate, sell, enlighten, coach, pull out the best in people.  How many times per day do you influence?  How well are you doing it?  How important we communicate masterfully here because so much hinges on our ability to influence well.

The challenge is when we are busy or let’s say outraged or upset by someone’s behavior (or an organization, our government) - instead of thinking through how to influence we kind of blurt out something in the moment that makes things worse.  Kind of like giving an order instead of a making a persuasive request… and how well does this work?  It doesn’t!  Why?  Because, intelligent people will not respond to orders or directs to be different.  “Never tell a man he is wrong  … for it polarizes him and makes him more fixed in his position”  - How to Win Friends and Influence People, D. Carnegie.

So, to be effective, since we often only get one chance, and we don’t want to destroy our credibility, consider the following.  Take the time to slow down, prepare and address the following:

1)       OFFER someone a big enough Compelling Reason to Change (reasons that they value)!

2)       ALIGN and Redirect to inspire movement toward this new position!

Why are these two vital, you may ask? 

Because the foundation of communication is coming to Agreement!  Agreement comes from giving a powerful why (compelling reason) and using a style that people can say yes to (align and redirect).  If someone doesn’t have a compelling reason to change, they won’t!   And if they are not communicated to respectfully, they really won’t!

HENCE, to influence anyone we must Align, connect (build strong rapport), accept them and understand them.  Understand them by knowing your MBTI style and theirs… and flex in order to align and enter someone’s world – to best serve them.  The spirit of this is:  I appreciate, I agree, I understand… and ……

Then, based on your understanding, we must Redirect, share a request or suggestion with enthusiasm… using both emotions and logical persuasion.  Ask if this is what they want and then ask if they can agree to take a step forward with the idea.  Again, know your style and theirs… flex in order to enter someone’s world to best serve them.  Then put it out there.  My request is…  does this make sense…. Is this agreeable?

After studying and using this for over 20 years I can say with conviction that the process of Align and Redirect is the foundation of Influence – Use it help ignite a compelling reason in someone so they want to move forward.   In this way you’re helping, not manipulating.  

What if someone objects?  Then again align and redirect.  The spirit of this is: Yes and….   Never say:  No, but.   This negates.  Instead, Align again.. Yes, I understand and again redirect with another twist.  Ask them to do it for 90 days and see.   “Do or Not do… there is no Try”   - Yoda

More on this in Chapter 10 (Discipline 2, pg 168-), “The Way of the Corporate Shaman”.

Have a great month being a master influencer and change many lives! 

                        ~  Bill

Advanced Influence: 

ASK:      10% of people will say yes, just because you ask (especially if you do it with a smile)

Because Frame.   Do this because it is good for you and me… yes?

As If.    I know you don’t know, but if you did what would it be?

Contrast:    For just 10cents a day is it worth if to change a life?

Social Proof:  According to your favorite ball player Joe, this is the way to go… lets see if it’s great for you too?

Commitment and Consistency:   Ask small yes-no questions with the focus on getting lots of small yeses… over

             time the small start to create the big yes.

Reciprocation:   We have done all this work… and given our all to support you… can we have your trust as your

             primary vendor?

Books of the Month:

The Way of the Peaceful Warrior – Dan Millman

The Handbook to Higher Consciousness – Ken Keys

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers – Debbie Ford

The Gift of Change – Marianne Williamson

A Course in Miracles – Foundation for Peace

Power of NOW - Eckhart Tolle

Becoming Fearless…in Love, Work and Life.  - Arianna Huffington